


Sex and Sparkles

by Merci



Category: Twilight - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Anal Sex, Character Bashing, Come Shot, Explicit Sexual Content, Flying, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Parody, Slash, Vampire Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-08
Updated: 2010-03-08
Packaged: 2017-10-16 20:22:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merci/pseuds/Merci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward was a normal vampire, until he met Bella and found himself compelled to behave like a douche whenever she was around.  He was treading a dangerous path, until James came and guided him back to the monstrous path that vampires are meant to tread.  This, of course, involved sex and sparkles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex and Sparkles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady Raion (midnight_writer)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_writer/gifts).



> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Edward, James, or Twilight. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
> 
> This is written as a joke for a friend. I don't know Twilight beyond the first movie. I admit to being ignorant to some of the nuances of this series, and am not a fan. I am not interested in engaging in debate over this. End of story.
> 
> If you think you may be offended, turn away now. I seriously will not accept flames for this. This story is heavily tinted by my impressions on Bella and Edward's behaviour in the movie. I utilize James as a vehicle to call Edward out on this.
> 
> I wrote this for the **lulz** , as well as **porn value**. To accomplish this, I put great care and effort into the smut, and sandwiched it between two very tongue-in-cheek bits that were intended to entertain as well rough up the fourth wall a bit. I do not subscribe to the overly romanticized style of this series, so it probably won't read like something from Twilight.
> 
>  **UPDATE:** Accepting lulzy flames ONLY!!

The baseball game came to a halt the moment the seemingly-hostile vampires caught wind of Bella's unique scent. What a great way to end the game.

Edward shielded Bella from the three figures, while his family rallied around him, all seeming to care very deeply about Bella's safety. He eyed the blonde vampire who stood before him, dark eyes threatening and shifting between him and Bella. Edward could feel Bella's heartbeat increase with her fear, could smell her peculiar odour that had first drawn him to her and he prepared to attack. Nobody would harm her.

"Edward," the hot, older leader of the Twilight group shouted. "Get Bella out of here! We'll fight them off for some reason."

Edward did. At least, he tried.

He turned and rushed with Bella to the truck and sped off down the road. Edward looked sideways at Bella as he drove the truck; she sat lightly on the seat, hunched over with her hands between her knees. She must have been afraid, but with her non-expressive demeanour, he could never guess what she was feeling. Even when he threatened her, she kept the same dead-fish expression on her pretty face. He leaned on the window ledge and gnawed at his finger -- sensing the vampire that followed -- and knew that he had to get her out of there. He didn't understand his feelings for her, but, that was part of the mystery. Sometimes, when they were apart, his sanity returned and he wondered why he cared so deeply, but the moment they were together, and her scent overpowered him, he lost his mind and turned into a big, possessive jerk. He looked back at Bella and huffed. Looking in the rear-view mirror, Edward could see one of the supposedly-evil vampires following behind and pushed the gas pedal against the floor.

Edward gripped the steering wheel and looked over to Bella; they were running out of time. Despite the speed of the truck, he could sense the vampire still followed, leaping between the trees, hovering behind the truck, and drawing ever-closer. If he didn't do something, they'd be slaughtered. He couldn't risk that happening. Sure, he wanted to protect Bella _now_ , but he chalked that up to poor characterization and plotting. "Aw, fuck!" He hit the steering wheel and looked in the mirror again. Despite realizing he had no reason to give a shit about her, he was consumed with the need to preserve her innocence. Innocence? Well, something seemed important enough to make for this dramatic moment and whatever it was, her safety was of the utmost importance! His vampiric senses could feel the other behind them, closing in and making a precise leap onto the moving truck.

"What was that?" Bella gasped in her non-expressive drawl.

"Are you high?" Edward shoved her head down, out of the path of the claws that ripped through the roof. "Your life is in danger and you're all bored or some shit!" He looked up, seeing the vampire peering at him through the new sun roof. It was James, the blonde, evil vampire from the baseball game. Edward grit his teeth and looked at Bella, wondering about his inconsistent characterization before he did something he knew he might regret. "Keep going, I'll fight him!"

"Edward!" Bella droned and took the wheel as Edward punched a hole in her ceiling and leapt onto the roof. "My truck is ruined. Guess I'll have to make my friends pay to have it fixed."

Edward heard Bella talking to herself, but had more immediate concerns as he fell face-first against James. "Shit!"

"Watch it, fool!" James grabbed at him and the two vampires tumbled from the speeding vehicle, landing in the ditch.

They rolled once or twice, clinging to each other before a tree broke their momentum, snapping a few bones in the process.

Being vampires, and perfect, they healed immediately and climbed to their feet to dust themselves off.

"Why do you protect her?" James hissed getting in close to Edward's personal space.

"Fucked if I know!" Edward half-turned from him, suddenly worried that his ethereal beauty would attract the other vampire. It was rough being a sparkly vampire; it attracted all sorts of riff-raff. He thought back to Bella and shuddered. "I really don't know!"

James' nostrils flared and he put his hands on his hips, staring down Edward for dominance. He won within seconds. "You're a victim of poor writing," James snarled, walking up to Edward. "So am I, but the difference is that I _know_ it. I fight it. I'm the vampiriest vampire here, and Lestat could still own my ass."

Edward closed his eyes, trying to process what James was saying. It seemed as if... "Wait, are you breaking the fourth wall?"

James shrugged, "Why not? It was flimsy anyway."

"No it wasn't."

"Whatever, the only way to make this series halfway interesting is if it's injected with some hot vampire sex." James stepped closer to Edward, touching his face and rubbing some sparkles away.

"T-that was going to happen around the last book!" Edward pulled away. "I've got to stay pure!"

"That's the author talking," James growled seductively. He'd cornered Edward against a large tree; there was nowhere for him to run.

Edward could have used his vampire strength or something to escape, but the truth of James' words held him in place.

"What do you want, Edward?"

"I... don't know," he ran a hand through his hair, looking at James with clear eyes. "Ever since I saw Bella I can't get her out of my mind. I've started stalking her, watching her sleep, fuck, I'm even threatening her when she tries confronting me about what I am. I'm not that kind of person. I like women, fuck, I even supported the suffragette movement! But... it's like I regress into some neanderthal whenever she's around. Ever since she walked in front of that fan and I could smell her scent. I thought I was going to be sick!"

James tsked. "It's not fair, being a hot vampire. Everyone wants you, uses you, nobody cares about who you are."

Edward didn't say anything, he looked off to the side, sparkling blood tears brimming in his eyes.

James moved in close, leaning against the tree and bringing his face inches from Edward's. "I care," breathed, inhaling deeply before he bared his fangs. His teeth easily punctured Edward's neck, making him shudder.

Edward held his breath; it was like his first time, only less painful. He didn't know what to expect then -- he'd been sick, weakened by tuberculosis -- but now... he was a vampire and he could take a little mortal throat injury. He clung to James' head as the other vampire drank his blood. He could feel the delicious scrape of stubble against his throat, those rough hands gently holding him, making him feel safe and he knew Bella couldn't get him anymore, not if he let James in.

And he wanted to. _He_ wanted James. Edward shivered; the knowledge that nobody had forced the decision on him was overwhelming. He cried out; a half-moan, half-sob as he pulled James' head to the side and bit down on his neck as well.

The blood that splashed across his tongue was surprisingly warm, coppery, with that underlying taint of sparkle. He sucked hungrily, pulling James against his body, rubbing hard against him as the blood spilled across his insides, awakening a beast that had been slumbering for far too long.

James was the first to break contact, withdrawing his fangs and licking his lips as Edward's neck healed. "I want you," he murmured, running his hands through Edward's hair and pressing his body flush against the younger vampire. "Do you want me?"

Edward broke the vampire kiss, sensually licking at the blood that dripped down his chin, his dark eyes gleaming as they focused on James. Only on James. A coy smile tugged at the edge of his mouth and he raised his knee, slowly rubbing between James' thighs and enticing the other vampire's erection. "I want you," he finally said, digging his fingers under James' coat, pulling at the fabric in a quest for skin-on skin contact. "Show me what to do, it's been so long."

"Oh," James grinned, his fangs gleaming in anticipation. "I intend to." He gripped Edward's shoulders and leapt, carrying Edward into the air and stepping on tree branches until they were perched amid the highest branches of the forest. They hovered there, alone, bathed in moonlight; two vampires retracing their roots of brutality and blood. Lust burned through their blood that evening, the black skies piquing James' dark soul to move. Move for Edward. "Do you remember... vampires are not bound by the laws of men... or physics. Let me show you," he said, ripping Edward's shirt for effect. The fabric parted down the centre, revealing his creamy, soft skin. He made short work of his remaining clothing, running his claws over the fabric which seemed to melt away under his touch.

In a mater of seconds, Edward was naked and feeling his desire throbbing between his legs.

James leaned over him, taking the sparkling erection in his hand. "If it wasn't for me, nobody would have ever seen this!" He stroked it experimentally, shaking his hand when sparkles flaked off on his skin. "Why do you do this?"

"I... can't help it," Edward shot back defensively. "It's a disorder of some kind, I can't stop producing sparkles."

"You know," James said, licking his fingers seductively. "I've heard that some of us sparkle when we're turned on. I hope you are..."

"Y-yes," Edward nodded and watched James licking his sparkles, feeling his abdomen tighten at the sight. Bella wouldn't have done this for him...

"DON'T think of HER!" James said suddenly, tightening his grip on Edward's cock. "Vampires are telepathic, remember? If you want me here, then forget about her. Just... focus on this," he said, bowing forward and licking across Edward's penis. His blood-tinted saliva spread across the head, picking up sparkles and pre-come.

Edward balled his fists at his side and watched, open-mouthed, as James licked along his cock. The blonde vampire held him under his thrall with barely a touch. He threw his head back, letting the sensation burn into his nerves, into his soul That hot tongue teasing along his dick, making him shiver uncontrollably. "Ohhh," he ran his fingers through the long, blonde locks, "yesssss."

"Don't get too comfortable," James laughed and squeezed his dick to get his attention.

Edward's eyes snapped open, glassy and vicious as he watched James, tightening his grip in the blonde hair as the other vampire's hand squeezed his throbbing cock. His blood raced through his veins and he could hear James' heart beating in a delicious rhyhm. "I want you," he hissed, pulling James up, stopping a breath away. "Remind me of what we were." His whisper hissed across the inches between them.  
His blood throbbed deeply in his veins and he grabbed James tightly, ripping his clothes away and revealing his naked, sparkling form. Edward bit his lip as he raked his vision across James' body before grinning darkly; this would be fun.

He sprang from the tree branch, catching James off guard and carrying him to another, larger tree. He pressed his body into the thick bark and buried his face against James' chest. The sparkles tasted like sex and a wave of memory washed over him. He licked harder and harder, baring his fangs to get more, desperate for the taste, when James suddenly turned the tables.

The blonde vampire whipped them around, throwing Edward back against the tree and thrust his pelvis forward against Edward's abdomen, pinning the young vampire's back into the wood. He reached around and grabbed his ass, digging his claws into the perfect flesh, drawing dark rivulets of blood to glow stark against the ghostly white pallor.

Edward gripped the bark and hissed in pleasure, his eyes rolling back in his head and behind his eyelids he could see what James saw, feel what he felt holding him to that tree; it was almost too much.

James kissed him deeply as he reached between them, guiding their erections to mingle in the cool night breeze before trapping them in a powerful fist. He broke the kiss, lingering close to Edward's face as he squeezed tightly. "I'll go easy on you... this time."

Then his hand moved, jerking them both off, and on the first stroke, time stopped for Edward.

He bit his lip to keep from moaning and timidly inched his hips forward. God, James' cock felt incredible against his and he writhed beneath his rough, talented fingers. He licked his lip and thrust into the tight fist on it's second, slow stroke down.

Shit, how long since he'd touched himself? James' dick was smooth and hard, and his skin moved delightfully under the dry friction between them. Edward lifted his leg up, hooking his knee around James' waist and tilting his pelvis up. He wanted more, damnit, and James was just fucking with him. He bit his lip, trying to will the other vampire into action. _God, play with my ass!_ He thought, begged in his own mind as James fisted their cocks and kneaded his ass with a free hand

In the moonlight James parted the shimmering, warm cheeks and kneaded the warm skin inside. He squeezed roughly and teased close to the tight asshole. The cool night breeze to caressed Edward's puckered asshole and the young vampire shuddered.

"How long has it been?" The question was loaded with tension and restraint, his fingers tapping lightly around the swirl of flesh, threatening, promising to move in.

Edward shuddered, thrusting back. "Long enough." He looked at James with wide eyes, hoping he understood his need.

James seemed to laugh at that before growing deadly serious. "Then you can wait a bit longer," he withdrew his fingers from Edward's ass. "I'm going to make you come like this," he said, grinding his hips sharply as he leaned forward and pressed his tongue deep into Edward's mouth. His tongue pressed wetly against Edward's and his fist picked up its hard, jerky rhythm. As important as being fucked in the ass had seemed to Edward moments earlier, he didn't seem to notice once James began to jerk him in ernest, tongue-fucking his mouth and pressing their hot, bodies together.

In the moonlight, James sparkled like an icy hell and Edward felt his own iridescent skin glowing in the shadows of their grinding bodies. He dug his fingers into tree bark, hearing the dull ripping sound contrasting against the sensation of blood pounding through his veins. His mouth throbbed as his fangs peeked from behind his lips. Hunger rose within him; a terrible beast he'd repressed since his birth. He would give in, he wouldn't deny the dark essence that was so much a part of him.

James ground their hot bodies together, triggering the nerves in Edward's dick to maximum sparkle. They shimmered and glistened across their undead skin, rubbing off on the bark and flying through the air.

Edward's senses were filled with sparkles, they coated his skin, his lungs, his bloodied throat. They filled him with a sense of urgency to find release; move harder, faster, drink blood, bite him hard! Edward broke the kiss, panting heavily as he tried to think clearly, even as James purred above him, squeezing their erections together.

Everything burned, teetering on the precipice of release.

"Give in," James dragged his teeth across Edward's throat.

Edward's eyes rolled back in his head as he bowed forward. The sensations coiled about within him, writhing, triggering his nerves to ignite. He rocked against that hard body, enhanced senses boiling hotter and he could only go on.

He could only give in.

He tilted his head, moving on instinct to bite down on James' neck. He felt his teeth press against soft flesh that resisted his sharp kiss. He tightened his jaw, feeling the skin breaking under his fangs, and then... blood. Hot, sanguine delicious splashed onto his tongue and down his throat, rocketing straight through to his cock. It shot through him like lightning and he groaned madly against James' throat, sucking harder. The blood continued to fill his mouth, spilling from his lips, and covering their shimmering bodies.

Bloodied sparkles glistened brightly in moonlight and shadows and Edward tightened his grip on James' shoulders. He could feel the other vampire moving against him; James' thrusts increased in ferocity and he reciprocated the bite, licking hard against Edward's throat and roughly cutting into his jugular. Edward reeled at the sensation of blood leaving him while he drank hard and fast; he could feel what James felt, feel the bloodlust and violence and he meweled pathetically around that tender throat. Too much. It was too fucking _much_. His muscles contracted sharply and his whole body tensed while flashes of white heaven flared before his eyes and he came hard.

Edward jerked erratically into James' fist, coating their dicks with his essence and he moaned deeply. Every thrust, every movement was a slice of heaven, and like a greedy sinner, he wanted more. He ground hard against the other vampire, delighting in feeling James come against him as well. He rocked hard, wrapping his hands around James' fist until their magic, simultaneous orgasms petered out and he dropped his hands away. The last shakes and spasms twinged deep within him and he finally loosened his jaw. He licked at James' wound, marvelling at how much he had drank, and how much James had taken from him as well. He released his grip on James' shoulers and ran a sweaty hand through his hair, spreading the sparkles through his chestnut mane. The tree tops shifted below them in a breeze and he glanced sideways at James. What could he say?

The other vampire was making a show of licking his lips, though it was too far-spread to clean himself that way. His eyes seemed to dance with amusement, his fist still holding their cocks tightly together, refusing to let go. He bowed his head slightly, casting his eyes in shadow and he made a sound of appreciation. Well, a more like a grunt or growl, actually. It was very animalistic, cutting home to Edward just what they were.

Monsters. Demons. Whatever humans called them, he was not one of them. He couldn't understand why he thought he could try.

Oh, that's right, the old, hot Twilight doctor who made him.

Edward shook his head to clear the thought and focused on James. Reaching down, he guided the other vampire to loosen his grip on their cocks, though he did not let go once his dick was free. James' hand was large and powerful, he looked down at the red-white liquid splashed over his knuckles and he looked awkwardly back to his face. "Thanks."

James' features were pristine against the night sky, the slightest shift indicating his agreeance with the statement before he grew serious. "I was just passing through town, but now I might stick around," he said, lifting his hand and making a show of licking the come from his hand. "I like you," he turned and made a show of inhaling deeply at the scents carried on the wind, "and there's lots of food here."

Edward's entire body shivered and he felt his sparkles intensify.

"But you must put an end to stalking that human. She's our food, you waste too much time on her."

Edward licked his lips. "All we have is time."

"Yeah, but watching her sleep makes you a creepy stalker, which we already established is a result of poor writing." James backed away a fraction, balancing on the thin branches. "I mean, what girl would want you doing that to her?"

Edward bowed his head, feeling shame burning through him. It was true, and he'd been behaving so douchey lately.

Worse, the author to this story was having difficulty ending it without James falling victim to the stereotypical romantic vampire! She'd seen the movie but once, and so had a foggy idea of James' character at best. "Hmm," she thought, "I'd better not push this."

And so, the story ended, with James and Edward retrieving their clothing from the forest floor, turning their sparkles off, and returning to vampire life. Edward moved out of his family's house, because he understood that, as much as that lifestyle was good for them, he needed his space to develop and grow as a real vampire. His torrid relationship with James lasted for a long time, and while they went separate ways after many years, they still crossed paths (and dicks) every decade or so.

About 60 years later, Edward returned to Forks' cemetery to carve a note into a recently-installed headstone. Just above the name, Bella Swan, he dug his claws into marble to preface it with: "Edward wuz here! LOL!"

END

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, that last bit is a bit harsh and I may remove it... though, atm the thought amuses me.


End file.
